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Suicide Sucks!!!

BCC Evolution is a 501(c) 3 nonprofit organization that is determined to build an army of people that can be compassionate and educated to help those in need when in a mental health crisis.

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Who is Chris??...

March 27, 2018

 

 

Chris was a Brother, Uncle, Son, Friend, Husband and most importantly an amazing Father!!! I always said he was meant to be on this earth to be a Daddy. We met when we were 21 and spent the next 27 years together. We started our family in 1992 when our daughter Kayla was born; let me back up a bit; we did get pregnant before Kayla, but lost the baby due to a miscarriage.

 

Raising Kayla was the highlight of Chris’ life, he was the best Dad you could ever imagine; he actually glowed when Kayla was born. I never had to worry about a thing, he would help change her, wake up for late night feedings and take care of her when she was sick. Chris was a family man, a quiet man and the most selfless person I know, he made sure everyone had what they needed before him.

 

He loved thrift stores and would pick up a table on the side of the road in a heartbeat. One time I came home to a couch in our living room he had seen on someone's driveway, “Free” yes it was free and it was ugly, but we reupholstered it and used it for several years.

Probably his most favorite thing to do was to cook for others, we always sat at the table for dinner. He would make sure the girls had snacks when they came home from school. He loved making sure we had good food in our tummy.

 

October 3, 1997 he become a Daddy for the second time, another girl yay!! Brianna (who you have already read about in: Who is Brianna) looked just like him, I thought. Once again he rose to the occasion and was always there. He would take the girls to school and even do their hair. We worked opposite shifts so the girls would always be with one of us.

 

Just shortly after Kayla was born, maybe 2 or 3 years, he got hurt on the job, that's when it all started….Workman’s comp sucks!!! They just want you in an out and to be done with it. I could go on forever about that and all the years he suffered with his back injury, but that's a chapter for a book I am writing.

His pain got worse the older he got and he ended up on disability, but still managed to be there for his family. You see when Brianna died a piece of us died too, for Chris it was just too hard.

 

Chris and Kayla were the ones that cut the scarf off of Brianna’s neck. Chris is the one who performed CPR on his daughter. You can only imagine what that did to him. After she died he felt like it wasn’t enough which caused him to have PTSD and was reminded everyday of that moment. When he was doing CPR he cut his lip on her braces; months would go by and the cut would open again especially on all the difficult days.

 

I feel our health system killed Chris, he went to, I don’t know how many doctors for his back injury, nobody would help they wanted to keep him medicated. He went through a deep depression, feeling as though he could not provide for his family and could not be a husband. We didn’t care, all that we cared is that we were a family, but he was very unhappy and felt let down by the doctors; it was a losing battle. And after Brianna died, well that was the straw that broke the camel's back. He went into a deep dark hole of depression, it’s even too hard for me to talk about. We separated, but he was still an active part of our daughter Kayla’s life. I never knew how deep his depression really truly was or how long he had been suffering from this debilitating disorder. I never gave up on him, but he gave up on himself.

 

On March 26, 2015 Chris Armond Canacari took his life, he hung himself in a closet just like Brianna. After he died we tried to piece together a timeline; we think he actually did it on March 16th, so you do the math on how many days that poor man was on a hard closet floor by himself.

 

I cry as I type this, as his wife there are no words to describe the pain. He did NOT deserve this, he was a very good man with a kind heart who just wanted to take care of his family.

 

In his note to us he stated that he could no longer fight and that human euthanasia was the only way for him to be happy.

 

Today marks our third year without him.

Suicide destroys families, we are the ones left with the broken pieces.

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