Hi there. My name is Kelly Paris. I’m am a Daughter, Granddaughter, Sister, Wife, Mother, Friend, and lover of all things Music. Just last year I created my business Music Is Life, LLC so that I could attempt to spread Suicide and Mental Health Awareness by holding the Break the Silence Suicide Awareness Festival. Along the way I was blessed to meet Babette and Kelli. I feel as though they were placed in my path so that we could work together to save lives.
A little about me...
As many of us do, I have struggled horribly my whole life with anxiety, depression, OCD and horrible anger outbursts. It got so bad over the years that nothing I was doing seemed to help. Everyone around me including coworkers, friends, family were all walking on eggshells because they didn’t know how I was going to react to anything. Always a mountain out of a mole hill in my world, everything was a big deal...even if it wasn’t really.
Just about 6 weeks ago I was diagnosed as Bipolar 2. This was a changing point for me; as I always knew there was something not quite right with how my brain and emotions worked. To me, this was the answer I had been searching for my whole life.
Does it make it easier to bare? No
Does it lighten the load I have to carry? No
Does it make the issues I have easier to handle? No
But it is an answer and means I can now take the proper medication and mood stabilizers. Over the last 8-12 weeks I stopped all meds to level out my system; that was hard! I can’t say thank you enough to everyone who put up with all my horrible behavior. I love and appreciate all of you!!
A lot of people have asked me over the last year… why are you so involved and/or why did you build Music Is Life LLC, but specifically why did you start Break the Silence?! Well, let’s get to that...
As a 16 year old teenager I attempted to take my own life. I obviously did not succeed, however I did not tell another living soul until April of 2017. I am now 35 years old. That is a long time to carry that emotional baggage around. It is a long time to live a lie and deny that I had issues. I turned to drugs and alcohol at that time to numb whatever I was feeling. Meth took 4 years from my life I will never get back. It also did more damage to my brain. I threw that out the window 15 1/2 years ago and no longer drink alcohol as of October 2016. But the feelings, thoughts, issues were still there. I equate the mental stress and state of my mental health to a backpack. That backpack was getting too heavy to carry; almost unbearable.
Around November 2017 I began to hit another low. It was a very dark time, I was extremely unhappy and couldn’t seem to find the good in anything. I have a wonderful family, husband, daughter, parents, sister, friends...didn’t matter. I couldn’t seem to find joy in ANYTHING, no matter how happy I “should” have been. I have a great job, awesome daughter and husband, amazing family and friends, nice house, car, and my own business. These are all thing I should have been extremely grateful and happy about. But all I could think is how I wanted to just sink under the bathtub full of water and not come up. I decided at that moment I was picking up the phone and calling my doctor; it was Thanksgiving Day. I left a voicemail and through my tears I said “I haven’t seen you in at least 5 years, but I don’t know who else to call and I need help”.
I’m so happy I made that call. I was ready to admit I needed help; my story isn’t over yet! I have found the help I needed. I’m going to counseling weekly and on medication for Bipolar 2. I’m trying to make amends for the horrible things I did or said to hurt others. I will always have this mental illness, but I will no longer allow it to control my life. I have vowed to use the rest of my life to help others and speak up about mental illness and suicide awareness.
The reason I started Music Is Life, LLC is so I could create and bring life to the Break the Silence Suicide Awareness Festival. It was so amazing last year with our first annual festival and such a wonderful turnout. It was a huge impact on the community that we will continue to grow bigger and bigger; we will never go away. I will continue to be the light at the end of the tunnel for anyone who is having a dark day, month or year. I’ve been there, I know the feeling.
IT IS OK, NOT TO BE OK. Just know you are NOT alone and please ask for help. Reach out!! Make the call!! It hurts my heart to hear about any person losing the battle...adults, elderly, and kids. SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER. Together we can make a difference and we will!! Please speak up and ask for help, YOU ARE WORTH IT...and you are loved.
I have found my faith along the way, and I whole heartedly believe that this is the path God has made for me. As long as I stay true to the path and myself, I can’t fail. Always follow your heart!!
Thanks for reading.
Check out Music is Life, LLC at: https://www.facebook.com/MusicIsLifeColorado/
***The Festival this year is already listed on the Event tab of BCC Evolution also***